This is it! The end of award seasons! It’s technically supposed to be the PINNACLE of red carpets…but was it? I need that shrug emoji right now. The Oscars red carpet itself, was sorta Snoozeville, USA. I don’t know why. It really shouldn’t be like that. In fact, my best dressed isn’t even coming from the actual Oscars carpet. My pick is coming from the Vanity Fair (VF) after party. Overall, I thought the looks at the VF party were significantly stronger than the actual Oscars looks. The fashion choices for the VF party were just edgier, more fun and loose in contrast to the Oscars carpet – no one really stole the show or had a moment.
Just a quick side bar before we can begin – you can read my reviews for the 2015 MTV VMA’s, Emmy’s, 2016 Golden Globes and Grammys: here, here, here and here respectively. This is the last major award season carpet, but I will have one more review after the fashioniest fashion night of them all aka the 2016 Met Gala. Please stay tuned for it. The Met Gala will be a big one for sure! Now lets get down to business:
Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton (for both): We are going to start out big time right off the bat. Alicia Vikander won last night so this is should be like her Lupita-moment. The red carpet dress is not working at all for me though. I want it too…I really really want it to work; however, I’m having major issues with the bubble hem and the placement of the bun. E!’s red carpet coverage called this a moment. This is not a moment – it is a missed moment. It’s a tale as old as time, but when you are going to wear a billowy yellow gown, you will be compared to Belle from Beauty and The Beast. And quite frankly, Belle wore it better. Belle had the placement of her half bun CORRECTLY! I’m all for a half bun hair style right now. Everyday, I think about how I can pull one off. This hair do is more half up than half top knot bun, making it a miss. The bun needed to be at minimum the crown of her head or even higher, on top of her head. On top of that, the matted down slicked tightness of the part and front of the hair style isn’t doing anything to elevate the look. Bringing this long story to a close, if she was going to go full-Belle, she should have done the hair correctly. On the flip-side, I really enjoy her VF look. I get why she didn’t wear it on the carpet because it’s not a moment either, but I think her hair looks so pretty here. Maybe she has that new Oscar glow and that’s why I like it better?
Brie Larson in Gucci & Monse (respectively): I literally cannot with either of these looks. NOT JUST THE DRESSES BUT THE WHOLE F-ING LOOK ON BOTH!!!! Lets start out with her award show Gucci…I don’t know what is happening here. Her boobs look like to massive planets for some reason. I actually don’t know why. I can usually figure these things, like “oh the fit is off or blah blah blah” but nope, it fits….it’s just weird looking. I could NOT stop staring at it. And then, when I wasn’t staring at her boobs, there was the whole belt-carwash skirt pleats and waves thing going on the bottom and the worst hair and mom-earrings to ever walk a red carpet. Lets start with the bottom first: 99.9% of the time I love a statement belt, you can ask my sister – she will attest to that. This time…it looks like an after-thought or something? I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s like someone said “hmm this look is boring AF, lets throw this massive jewel encrusted belt on to save it.” Instead of saving the dress, the belt just added to the mess of it. Then the eye travels down to the weird carwash sponge-y tendrils and pleats. I think if it had just been a beautiful pleated skirt, then maybe without the She-Ra Princess of Power belt, if coulda been okay. Those ruffles kill it. The final nail in the coffin was happening around her face though. WHAT IS THAT MOTHERF-ING HAIR?! A slicked back center part into some weird 90’s bridal twisted half up do, flanked by mother of the bride pearl drop earring IS THE BIGGEST NO I HAVE SEEN ALL AWARD SEASON! You can see it here. THE RAGE I HAVE FOR HER HAIR AND EARRINGS SO NOT OK! Like why didn’t her stylist give her a gorgeous Sofia Vergara-statement earring to balance out the dumb belt?! Why did they matte her hair against her head?! The people who styled her should be fired – immediately. And then there is her VF afterparty look…the hair is a huge improvement, but I just can’t say the same for the dress. This baby pink velvet toga is sloppy and the prom-dyed shoes to match are amateur. I’m glad she changed her make-up…I just feel bad that this was her Oscars moment which fell short of being a fashion moment.
Cate Blanchett in Armani Privé: I thought about this for along time. I’m still thinking about this. Do I love it? Or do I hate it? I’ve never had such mixed feelings on a dress before. Within like seconds I know how about a dress or overall look. I feel like this was kind of the tone last night on the red carpet…there was a lot of either “meh” or “I don’t know”. Well, I just made my decision after looking at one more time – I love it. I think it’s really beautiful the way the construction of the shoulders, the v-neck and v shaped earrings all work together to frame her face. Everything is soft from the color and floral work to her make-up and hair. It really is a beautiful look – there I decided.
Charlize Theron in Dior Haute Couture: I think this would be one of the best looks on the carpet IF she hadn’t already done a very similar look only two years ago at the 2014 Oscars with Dior. I know it’s not identical, but Charlize is the only Dior woman who ever looks good; therefore, her looks are always “Best Dressed” and remembered. These two looks are slightly too similar between the straps, the v-neck and the long statement pendant with the a big bauble at the end. It’s slightly too close too soon. Apart from it being similar to 2014’s look, she does look really pretty and happy so I will give her that!
Daisy Ridley in Chanel Haute Couture: The force is strong with this one. OH COME ON! I had to quote Yoda – I’m a Star Wars geek!!! On a whole, I think for her first Oscars red carpet she did well! I don’t love the proportions of the dress, but they are classic Chanel proportions so it’s hard to gripe about it. The dress is very pretty overall. The shoes are lil 50’s pin-up girl for me, but they don’t kill the look. Lastly, only a true Star Wars nerd would notice this, her hair last night was very similar to her character, Rey’s hair in the movie. Apart of me thinks she did this on purpose for people. She’s not a household name yet, and people could maybe make that connection like “yea – that’s the Star Wars chick!”
Jennifer Garner in Atelier Versace: OMG does this look make me angry! I am not sure if there is anything I hate more on a carpet than a dress that doesn’t know what it wants to be. This dress has a split personaly – It’s like looking at the Batman villain Two-Face. One half is Kennedy Center Honors and the other half is pageant. I wish she had come out guns a blazing, especially after the Vanity Fair interview that came out on Friday (if you haven’t read it, READ IT – IT’S SO GOOD)! She coulda been a show stopper, and a major FU Ben I look hot AF moment. But noooo she wore those black lame-o monster dress. FAIL!
Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture & Alexander Wang (respectively): Well, she always looks better when she’s not in Dior…so I guess there is that. Neither of these looks are impressing me all too much. The red carpet look is a safe Dior knock-off of Gwyneth’s 2002 Oscars’ Alexander McQueen. Obviously, it’s more mass appealing than G’s look and a slight step up on the interesting factor than what she seems to usual give us from Dior; however, I just feel like it falls a little flat. The straps need to be brought up – as usual, her Dior doesn’t fit her. And maybe she shoulda edged up the make-up and hair? Then J. Law decided she wanted to look like a member of the #swiftsquad or Kate Hudson at the VF afterparty. It’s definitely on trend, and the sleek bob works better here, yet I feel like this overall look has been played out by the likes of Kendall Jenner, Gigi Hadid, Kate Hudson and Swift herself…So it’s kinda mind boggling the YOUNGEST FOUR TIME ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE showed up in this dated look. UNLESS! Unless she told her stylist, “Hey, I am not under contract to show up in Snoozeville Dior for the afterparty, and I wanna look HOT!” And this is what her stylist procured for her. That is probably what went down. Oh and her top needs to be pulled up on the Wang, too!!!!
Lady Gaga in custom Brandon Maxwell (both): Similar – both are very similar. Perennially, I love the VF version over the Oscars version. Why? Because, you know, they are similar…Because the VF is SASS it’s pants with a train and this cool peplum spaceman halter. Whereas Oscars red carpet is bridal with pants. It reminds of that moment when Lane begs Lorelai Gilmore to ruin her mother’s wedding dress and Lorelai reveals to Lane she will take the pants out of the dress when she alters it. Sorry for the tangent – I have a serious Gilmore Girls problem. So instead of cutting the pants out, Lorelai cuts the front of the dress off to she the pants!!! lololol – k I’m dunno. Gaga looks gorgeous. She is clearly establishing “serious Gaga” and “over-the-top performance Gaga” (for reference see the Emmys/Golden Globes vs Grammys reviews above). I just prefer the VF sass over bridal pants!
Naomi Watts in Armani Privé, Saoirse Ronan in Calvin Klein Collection, and Margot Robbie in Tom Ford: I lumped the sparkly chicks together for my sake lol and because they all look AMAZING but none are my best dressed (spoilers lol). I really do love them all, especially Saoirse’s…It really is perfect, and her two different colored earrings coupled with her relaxed sex hair, LOVE! Naomi looks gorgeous – I like her mermaid affect. Margot might have have been my best dressed had it not been her hair. I don’t hate it, I just wish it wasn’t soooooo undone. All in all – these women get kudos!
Olivia Wilde in Valentino Haute Couture: I didn’t know this was Valentino until I looked it up to reference just now. Explains why I like it – I’m a Valentino groupy! I did really enjoy this look. She was a potential best dressed but the stupid choker killed it for me. Also, it’s hard to notice but the neckline has the panty hose illusion which kills the look a second time for me. Sad because it had a lot of potential, and her earrings are badass!
Rachel McAdams in August Getty Atelier & Naeem Khan (respectively): I like the green dress from the side, a lot. The front, conversely, is a little a messy for me. It’s the satin…it wrinkles and you can’t stop it. Also, the fabric shows every bump…not saying she has “bumps” but it’s a tough fabric. From the side though, with that side boob and stomp, it’s pretty damn hot. Her pink Naeem Khan is pretty, too. I think it’s perfectly pretty/appropriate for the event.
Priyanka Chopra in Zuhair Murad & Jenny Packham (respectively): Usually, I’m over the sheer/nude strategically placed florals ice skater dress, BUT I actually like this one, and I think it’s because of the belt. See! I do love a belt!!! This belt is just cool – it’s a good contrast to soft white floral lace. For her VF afterparty look, I love that she did something different. It’s a new take on the cutaway and again, the word “cool” comes to my mind. Priyanka may be a carpet newbie, except I think she has more to bring us in the future. I’m looking forward to it. And OMG is she not gorgeous?!
Reese Witherspoon in Oscar de le Renta: Ugh…Oscar (RIP) just rolled in over in his grave when he saw this disaster walk down the carpet. WTF IS THIS?! Someone’s bad idea of an ill-fitting homecoming dress?! I just don’t even understand. The FUCKING TAFFETA?! The cinnamon roll boobs?! The ill-fitting bustier and waist?! Mothers of the bride and groom look better than this shit on Reese. If I were her, I woulda cut someone over this POS dress. Ugh sorry…her make-up is nice. She needs a new f-ing hair style though. This is her red carpet hair, and I’m over it. Time to move on Reese!
Rooney Mara in Givenchy: I feel like I’m obligated to talk about this look because it’s Givenchy and it’s “FASHUN”…but I literally HATE Rooney Mara. I’m sorry – I know that’s harsh…I do! I swear!!! But as Duana over at Lainey Gossip says about her, she’s a suck. Not that she “sucks” but she IS a SUCK! That sourpuss person in the group who is always like so meh or pouting or whatever with that ehhhh I hate everything face. Okay – enough about how much I hate Rooney Mara…the dress…It’s Givenchy and has construction and detail and lace and tiny buttons. We are supposed to be impressed. This girl (me) is not. The color washes poor shy girl Mara out. Maybe if she stood up straight and gave a real closed mouth smile it would be slightly better. Ok ok ok – clearly I need to stop because I have a lot of Rooney-rage. (P.S. if you want REALLY EXCELLENT Oscars coverage of like everything – go to Lainey Gossip – it is my all-time fave gossip website!)
Vanity Fair Party – My FAVES (didn’t realize it was all black n white):
Demi Lovato in Dolce & Gabbana: It’s almost like swiss dot material and it’s beautiful. I’ve really been feeling Demi’s new looks. She’s been elevating her style all awards season, and we should appreciate it it with the culmination of this look!
Elizabeth Banks in Ralph & Russo: I mean, it’s a white cape. Whenever a white cape is done, we just gotta appreciate it it. I also love the lace mock turtleneck!
Gabrielle Union in Georgine: First of all, I want everyone to appreciate how GABRIELLE UNION DOES NOT AGE! Sorry…I’m obsessed with her and her gorgeous-ness. I have been since like what? 10 Things I Hate About You? Ugh love! K – dress is amazing! If you wanna do a naked dress, I feel like this is the new naked dress. I LOVE the double slits, high neck, sleeves and plunge. It’s interesting BUT still naked. And it’s gorgeous velvet…loveee.
Taylor Swift in Alexandre Vauthier Haute Couture: So, walking to my train on the way home today, I had a Taylor Swift fashion revelation. Swift is not a fashion girl. She is almost NEVER dressed by a major fashion house besides coughVersacecough. She’s never the darling that shows up in Chanel and Valentino isn’t going to make one of her wedding gowns someday. And that’s when it clicked – we shouldn’t expect much from Swifty cuz I actually don’t think she gets much. I don’t think she gets the major players to play with her. That being said, I like what she’s wearing tonight. Of course, it’s “I’m hot part 5 million” but it’s the VF after party and fun! So who really cares? I think she looks great.
Alllllll right my friends, this concludes the normal aspect of the review – time for BEST & WORST dressed!!!!
HOLY CANNOLI! It’s a three way tie between Reese, Brie and Jennifer Garner!!!!!!
Reese Witherspoon: Girl, you can do better than this hot mess!
Brie Larson: Fucking A – you knew you were winning best actress, EVERYONE KNEW! You actually deserve better than this Gucci Garbage you got stuck in. I’m sorry for you actually.
Jennifer Garner: COME ON MAN! You just got divorced. This is supposed to be your “you can suck it Ben cuz I’m hotter than fucking nanny look” instead you gave us multi-personalty disorder dress. FAIL!
Anne Hathaway in Naeem Khan: WAHHHH you didn’t talk about her up there?!?! Nope, I didn’t because I saved my beloved Annie for the end!!!! HEAD TO F-NG TOE PERFECTION! Not only is she several months preggo, she nailed it. Like this look is more cohesive than super glue. The slicked back hair to highlight her gorgeous glow which the make-up only accentuates, does not distract. I cannot get enough of this dress. The metal detailing makes it edgy but the silhouette is perfect for her and her bump. It’s comfortable but cool and fashion and casual and dressy all at once. Only Annie could do this. This, my friends, is a what a moment is all about.
Well, there we have it. The 2016 Oscars Fashion Review and awards season itself are officially WRAPPED! All we have left is the Met Gala so stay tuned because you know I’ll be dishing out the good stuff for that!
Wet Hair, Don’t Care
P.S. Not fashion related but needs to be said anyways – Chris Rock’s opening monologue was amazing.