At first, in the title I had “Celebrity Prom”, but after saving all the images, to upload and review, I was like no – this isn’t even as good as prom should be. This is bad. This is a really BAD red carpet. And yea, I know, big designers supposedly don’t want to “waste” their “good” dresses on TV Actresses at the Emmy’s; however, that is NO EXCUSE for the fact that NOTHING FIT ANYONE! There are a lot of caps….but that’s because I am rage-y about this. On top of that, some the “big designers” did have dresses that went down that carpet that did look like shit, too. Argh…major disappointment. Also, I am just doing a fashion review because after my crazy weekend, I actually made an executive decision to watch something entertaining last night, Fast & Furious 7 – so yea, I didn’t watch the Emmy’s which from what I read were a snooze-fest minus Andy Samberg being pretty decent. If this stupid red carpet is any indication of the level of effort people put into the show, then I’m guessing it was like zero.
Well here goes nothing, I guess….
Naomi Watts in Christian Dior Couture: 99.9% of the time I have major beef with Dior on the fit of their clothes, particularly on their brand celebs. Although the fit isn’t the best here, it’s actually not one of the worst offenders on the carpet – FOR ONCE! I think I might have liked this more if it wasn’t just a skirt sewn on to a bandeau. That’s what the top looks like to me, and if Dior had eliminated that gap right under the bust line, applying a little more construction/structure to the overall dress, it might have been even more. I also feel like the hem was a mild after thought, like they just tacked it up or something. Not the worst, but obviously, not my favorite. The shoes are dope though. I want those! Her hair and make-up also appear to have been after-thought as well, especially that 2008 The Hills LC hair. Even Lauren Conrad has better hair than that right now.
Kerry Washington in Marc Jacobs: She at least brought it to the carpet by showing up in something interesting and different. I have two thoughts on the sleeves: 1) you guessed, they don’t fit under the arm pits (BUT in Marc Jacobs’ defense this exact dress was just seen on the runaway about 3 days prior during NYFW) and 2) I forgive some of the fit under the arm pit because I am SO DIGGING they 3 quarter length slouch of the rest of the sleeve. It’s great! In real life, I’m always scrunching up my long sleeve shiz to a 3 quarter length bunched up sleeve so I am a MASSIVE fan of seeing this on the carpet. It’s new and adds a cool factor to the look. Also, of course the chainmail, embellished shoulders and hem line are amazing. I love the faux pinned-up bob to accentuate the shoulder detail, too. Head-to-toe Kerry, Marc Jacobs and her stylist (if she has one?) actually put thought into the look as a whole, and I appreciate the effort.
Mindy Kaling in Salvador Perez: Let me preface this, I love Mindy Kaling. Usually, I’m all for her style. Most of the time, I feel like she has great style, never shying away from bold colors, fun shapes…But I feel like this would look great on Helen Mirren (Mindy is 36 – Helen is 70). I dunno. I’m not a fan. It’s just lame. Mindy, you can do better than this. Helen Mirren can do better than this. This clutch by Edie Parker is great, along with the make-up. The hair again…meh.
Sofia Vergara in St. John: Umm any Real Housewife out there want their intro dress back? This is standard Vergara. You can’t expect anything different. I almost feel cheated because the tits aren’t out, and there is no chunky statement earring that looks like its so heavy it will rip her lobes off. The fabric actually does remind me of homecoming dress fabric, like somewhere out there a sophomore girl is gonna feel like she nailed it when she walks into the gym for her homecoming dance this weekend.
January Jones in Ulyana Sergeenko: You know if anyone could have pulled this off, it would have been her. She’s so edgy on the carpets, and a lot of times, I actually love what she wears even if others don’t. This time not so much. I think it’s the color? I can’t put my finger on why this reminds me of a bad Saturday Night Fever jumpsuit? I feel like she should be on the disco floor gliding it out to ABBA’s Dancing Queen. Also, I don’t understand the tacky Tiffany’s broach they stuck on it. It totally chinces out the whole look. Pants are too long, and bodice is too tight (fit issue #3 of the night). Hair and make-up are whatever at this point.
Tracee Ellis Ross in Zac Posen: Man, I’ve been waiting for this one…It’s legos meets Madonna’s Blonde Ambition Tour bra in satin – you know, just in case you forgot we were at homecoming. To top it all off, she matched her lips to the dress. I’m done.
Viola Davis in Carmen Marc Valvo: Pretty sure I definitely would have worn a short mini version of this to homecoming. Infact, senior year, I think I did wear an inverted version (black with white flowers bursting from the center – yea, I know her’s a branches with leaves but it’s not like that’s any better), and mine was strapless! I do like the neckline, and obviously, she looks amazing in white. I guess I just feel bad that this is what she wore. The coral lip is nice though.
Lady Gaga in Brandon Maxwell: This is what I wish Miley would do. Just show up looking nice. Gaga has been looking nicer for awhile?? I like this. She looks elegant and with just enough going on the side with that construction detail. It’s refreshing to see her normal – she really is beautiful.
Claire Danes in Prada: I thought I liked this until my sister pointed out the fit (#4). Prada clearly didn’t alter it at all as the top, I believe, is too low and them hem is too long. It just appears they gave it to her still with the model’s measurements. That being said, I like the chains and the sequined stripes. Those are both new elements. I do not like her helmet hair faux bob. This look could have been a best dressed if her team had paid closer attention to the details and overall look.
Amy Schumer in Zac Posen: Lainey Gossip said it best in their post today and I agree…it’s standard bridesmaid’s dress. You could see this at any number of weddings or dances this school year. It also does not fit her (#5)!!!!!! The color is the lamest of blues. Her hair is 80’s homecoming dance hair. Was Molly Ringwald her hair dresser? I do love her eye make-up. It does make her eyes pop so she’s go that going for her at least?
Julie Bowen in Georges Chakra: This is just so mother f-ing lame, I just can’t. The black and emeralds have been done by one of Angelina Jolie’s few fashion moments. Snooze – moving on.
Taraji P. Henson in custom Alexander Wang: I love this!!! Yay! I can say I love something!!! Taraji looks great!! This fits her. It’s fun! Her hair and make-up look great. All around win for me! Head to toe, I’m in LOVE!
Maggie Gyllenhaal in Oscar de la Renta: If Oscar was alive, he would die at this atrocity. This is a hot f*cking mess. This bodice doesn’t fit at all (#6)!!!! Like it’s so bad, that it’s not even center on her chest! There is some weird gap on the side. And the WRINKLES! Where was the intern to steam this disaster?!!? I literally cannot even with this. WHY EVEN BOTHER?! WHY?! And this is a major designer. I don’t know who to blame. Oh! OHHH and the bubble hem! I almost forgot about the stupid bubble hem – even if it wasn’t, it looks like a last minute alteration. The gold jewelry looks like it’s from Forever21 (and I’m cool with Forever21 but not on an major award show red carpet). ARGH this look is infuriating!!!! Horrible!
Regina King in Krikor Jabotian: This is what it is. I wish it was either full length or a truer tea length. The shoes remind me of dance shoes. I definitely would have found those at Bakers and begged my mom to get them for me circa 2002….I appreciate the make-up. Maybe it would be better if the length was something better and the neck showed her collar bone? IDK – snooze.
Heidi Klum in Versace: She’s actually gone bananas. It looks like she sewed half a sleeve from a Partridge Family tour costume to a Dancing with the Stars costume bodice and added some netting. I think that’s the best way to describe it. Bananas…Maybe her Partridge Family costume got caught in a paper shredder?? Regardless, she’s lost it.
Laura Prepon in Christian Siriano: The dress is a hybrid of Zac Posen with the red part and poor-man’s old school Alexander McQueen with the addition to the neck. It fits her, but I wish Siriano hadn’t added the collar/bolero thing and done something else to make it unique. It’s just not jiving. However, her skin looks amazing?
Taylor Schilling in Stella McCartney: I was literally just shocked when I read this was Stella McCartney. McCartney doesn’t usually miss so much on the fit. The hem is too short in the back? I wish the waist sat lower, and it either bloused out more or cinched in more. She’s tiny, and that waist line isn’t doing anything for her. It’s not even either. Also, you can’t see it in this pic, but the back was ill fitting as well (#7). It looked like it was too big but not on purpose too big. Make-up and hair were beautiful. I wanted to like this so much too because of the color and the cool details especially long the top…sad.
Uzo Abuba in Jonathan Cohen: Pink taffeta blah A-line blah dress. It coulda been cooler is it were a column and not A-line. and the graphic was more extreme or dimensional, maybe doing the wrapped neck part in the graphic color. Like most of the people out there, it’s not the worst, but it’s not cutting edge either. I don’t think the hair matches either. It’s too First Lady for her. THAT’S IT! This is something Michelle Obama would wear to like the White House Correspondent Dinner….it’s so First Lady!
Elisabeth Moss in Oscar de la Renta: Another boring pink taffeta A-line gown. This one is WAY homecoming. It’s wrinkly and boring. It doesn’t even fit well. I don’t know what was going on with Oscar’s people, but they need to step it up. Earrings are great. She’s giving off a Marilyn Monroe feeling with the pink, the hair and diamond earrings. Blah, it’s lame.
Sarah Hyland in Zac Posen: I don’t know how much more Zac Posen or Zac Posen look alikes I can take. I am BORED. Also, this doesn’t fit her either (#8). It’s too long, and the bodice/waist isn’t tailored appropriately. Her earrings are amazing though, and the hair is perfect for show casing them. I like the fresh young make up she did too – I’m glad she kept it fun from the neck up and didn’t get too serious with it.
Emma Roberts in Jenny Packham: I should have known this was Jenny Packham…She only has one silhouette with that gathered deep V. I don’t get why she chose a color that matched her skin tone. She looks really washed out. I don’t get the weird cheap velvet belt with another lame broach. If you are going to put a broach on it then pick something amazing – like the badass Lanvin Emma Stone wore to the 2012 Globes! I also have never understood the color of her hair, but I guess that’s another story….Some girl would try to wear this to homecoming but get sent home because it was too low cut.
Ellie Kemper in Naeem Khan: I LOVE this dress. It’s so visually interesting to me! I don’t think I’ve seen anything like this on the carpet. The only thing that’s actually holding me back on this one is the hair and make-up. The eye make-up is too severe. I wish they hadn’t tight-lined her eyes because they are shrinking them. Her hair is such a fun color that I wish she hadn’t done what seems to be the standard center-part slicked back look of the evening and had left it down either straight or wavy. Points on the dress, but the overall look was not thoroughly executed.
Lena Headey in Zuhair Murad: I like that Zuhair Murad did a ballgown and not the standard panty house strategically placed sparkles J.Lo dress. Cersei Lannister brought the drama, and it’s actually working! The color looks great on her. Love the deep V/ballgown combo! The hair is her….she used to keep it a lot shorter so I think it’s at in between length. I like this though! Woa…I found another.
Amy Poehler in Michael Kors: This is the BEST she’s ever looked on a carpet! I love this on her! Who said cut-outs are just for the #swiftsquad?! Amy looks amazing! Love the stacked chunky bracelets. She actually looks younger here, not trying to look younger but physically younger! I love it!!!
Gina Rodriguez in Lorena Sarbu: Cameron Diaz did it better here at the 2010 Oscar’s in Oscar de la Renta. That’s all I have to say on this – I’m done.
Padma Lakshmi in Romona Keveza: This is Romona Keveza’s fault. It should NOT fit like that (#9). I’m getting tired of these fit problems and this bridesmaids look. I am pretty sure I have a similar bridesmaids dress but in coral and not shitty satin.
Laverne Cox in Calvin Klein: Ummmm pretty sure Reese Witherspoon wore an almost identical Calvin Klein here to the 2014 Globes…I don’t even know how Calvin Klein allowed this to happen, but I feel Laverne wore it better actually. She fills it out well and looks really pretty. I just wish she or they chose something that hasn’t basically been worn already.
Aubrey Plaza in Alexandre Vauthier: Going to end on a high note. I love this! Apparently I love a red carpet 3 quarter length slouchy sleeve. I’m feeling the hot 70’s deep V, high slit combo and her Michelle Pfeiffer Scar Face hair. The shoes are perfection, too. Overall, LOVE!
Sorry, I know there are way more looks like Tatiana Maslany’s almost good but ill fitting white Tux or Kieran Shipka’s pants that were a knock-off of Emma Watson’s pants from the 2014 Globes….But I am just tired of harping on the same things: poor fit, boring, bad homecoming and so on…sooooo…..
BEST DRESSED: Tie between Kerry Washington and Taraji P. Henson
WORST DRESSED: Tie between Maggie Gyllenhaal and Heidi Klum (even though I probably shouldn’t even include Klum since she’s lost her mind)
I am done…over and out until the next major red carpet. Here’s hoping for a miracle that it gets better.
Wet Hair, Don’t Care.